PRE-PRODUCTION DIARY - #001

Written By Sammy Seeley

Someone suggested writing. I can't remember who, but whoever it was, thank you. I was struggling for a long time, my monthly routine being a carousel of high and lows. No consistency, no integrity, no compassion. I would be laser focused, motivated, everything would move quicker, so intense but a high can only be sustained for so long; I wouldn't sleep, I would barely eat, I would keep pushing until I crashed. Brain Fog, the lows were really just brain fog. Hours would pass, struggling to start that first task of the day, frustration would prevail and consume my being. Blaming everyone around me was default and when things become too tough with relationships, friendships and just life I would just cut it loose. Starting fresh became the normal and the lifestyle of service in some way’s sustained elements of these behaviours. I always had somewhere to sleep, somewhere to eat and something to do.

Working would consume my life, 19 hour days were my coping mechanism. But without consistency or accuracy it was ultimately pointless. A time came when a decision had to be made or maybe finally after years of destruction the light finally came on; I needed to speak to someone. Not taking to some of the conventional means of therapy I attempted some recommended practical methods to enable the 3 pillars I still use as touching in points now:

• Consistency 

• Integrity 

• Freedom 

Still searching for something else; someone suggested writing. I started reading screenplays, ‘A few good men’ being my first. Watching and reading at the same time was the next step. I realised very quickly I enjoyed the structure, the dialogue, the descriptions, every subtle note of narrative development. 

Sunray, a word that started to resonate around my head. It’s definition being so subjective to so many people. Sunray to me, means troop boss, the commander, someone in charge, a position of responsibility, an individual that should have all the answers. Starting as a single post on my front room wall, it became a web of scenes, weapon systems, characters, personalities, experiences, locations, feelings; a puzzle of a story. In a way, a web of my internal thoughts; but this time I had the ability to take the things I didn’t like off the wall and throw them in trash. 150+ post it notes later I realised I needed a creative team that would understand a story I felt needed to be told. 

It was only when I assembled the ECHO Team and the primary Sunray Creative Crew of Daniel Shepherd and James Clarke that I knew I was ready to start piecing together that puzzle.